Back in Business

Carolyn was down to our Patio this afternoon and got me back on my blog page. This is a shot she got of us that I'm using for tonights picture. We just had a good discussion that covered all of their gardening activities and their having the Owens kids as their folks were busy. Our temperature got up to 84 and will be in that range much of next week. She continues to be very cautious of the Corovirus and very careful who they include in their "inner family". A protester was killed in downtown Lincoln last night protesting the George Floyd death in Minnesota recently. The city has put new regulations in effect beginning tonight. It's unfortunate that after this many years we still don't have this matter of integration figured out. Elaine and I talked about the black family that lived next door to us as we left the Mantua area of Arlington, VA and moved back to Nebraska 40 years ago. We nor our kids ever thought any different about these neighbors than any others in the area.

Julie had a Little Lamb

This was Julie in 1981 with her Lamb that we brought back with us from Virginia.  It may still be in Julie's possession since neither Elaine nor I have any memory of it's whereabouts. I'm using it for my blog page tonight since I couldn't get my computer to accept any new pictures. It has been giving me some problems and now my "anti-virus protection" has expired so that may be the problem. We have a number of people that read this blog page and unless I can get the computer to work better, may not be able to publish it. I really enjoy doing it as an easy way of helping our family and friends keep up with what we are doing. I have "Published" over 3,000 pages dating back to 2010 and would hate to quite because of my not being able to make the computer function properly. Carolyn is planning to come down tomorrow and maybe we can get something figured out.

Seward Independent, October 27,1943

We are using the Quarantine to go through old files and papers that made the move up here to Brookdale. Elaine pulled out this October 27, 1943 Seward Independent that was "saved" because of relatives: Herrold and Petri's being listed "in the Service now".  Robert Herrold and Maxine Petri are brother and sister  and the only children of Leonard and Elsie Herrold. Maxine married Lee Petri before going into the service. Elaine's father Albert Flowerday and Elsie were brother and sister. Elaine served as local contact when Maxine was buried here in Seward a few years ago.
The Seward Indipendent newpaper was owned by: Wm H. Smith, Editor and Publisher, and available to residents of Seward County, NE for $1.50/year. It was 16 inches wide and typically had 8 pages. It is a "keeper" for historic information

My Folks in DC

This was taken at the White House entrance on Dad's first visit to us back in DC at the end of 1967. Mother and Kathy had been back earlier. The folks had a goof flight in and we put them in Verlon's quarters in our lower level. We did a lot of visiting but saw something special each day they were here. One of the first highlights was getting to the USDA Christmas party. I had been able to get acquainted with some of Secretary Orville Freemans immediate staff and was able to ask one of them about the Secretary welcoming a Nebraska Farmer to the Party.  Secretary Freeman called Dad up on the Stage at Jefferson Auditorium and gave him a hearty Welcome. Dad was most pleased and Mother could hardly believe it. Over the week-end we took them out west of town to Arthur Goodfrey's ranch and saw his Angus Cattle. It was by coincidence that we received the check for the sale of our farm from Ivan Blevins so that was a pleasant interruption. However, Elaine took them to Mount Vernon, Arlington Cemetery; I took them to Smithsonian and Federal Printing plant. We took them up to Baltimore where they had a direct flight from Friendship to Omaha. They had a great trip, and we appreciated their visit.

Yogi Berra

I am indebited to Charlotte from the staff of the Seward Memorial Library for always including one or two books that she knows I will appreciate when she loads up books for Elaine. Yogi was written by Jon Pessah who was also the bestselling author of "The Game" a critically acclaimed examination of the power brokers who built Magor League Baseball into a multibillion-dollar business.  It is a 566 page book published by Little, Brown and Company; Hachettte Book Group; 1290 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10104; littlebrown.com.  First Edition: April 2020.

The book is of medium sized print and I doubt that Charlotte ever expected me to read the whole thing but what it did was bring back memories of Yogi and following he and the Yankees during their prime. I am surprised at the date of the First Edition being so recent, 5 years after his death and many years after his peak in popularity. He was only about 6 weeks older than me and I would guess that his greatest fan base would be in their 70's now. Many of his sayings have no time frame and that is what protects his longivity.

Rain Guage

I'm not trying to run any competition with Ben Hughes on rain gauge pictures on Facebook but this is mine. The water level is sitting right on 4 inches which all fell during the past week.  This was another of those cloudy, cool days with a few light showers. According to forecast we can expect a continuation of this weather till the weekend. 

We had a good Men's coffee this morning with 6 of us spaced around two small tables. I had the privilege of suggesting the topic for today and chose the "upward mobility program" of USDA Soil Conservation Service as one of the projects during my career of which I was most proud. This program enabled a number of capable individuals to rise above the Technician level to full professional status similar to what I had done. As we went around the table it was projects for which each of them had a deep passion that made them outstanding. This was true of Coaches, Design Engineers, Salesmen, Teachers, etc. I think we all enjoyed the session that took us up to Lunch Time.

Brother Don

This is the first Memorial Day since the passing of my brother Don who died down at Syracuse, NE on 12/21/2019.  He had celebrated his 90th birthday on December 17 of 2019. I was 4, 1/2  years older than Don and remember the day he was born. When the Grandpa Walker came to see him, I met them at the door with the news that "we have a real baby at our house". He and I grew-up together by moving out to the old Vrana farm when he was just past two. We had ponies during the drought and depression days of the 1930's, which helped us get by with our parents good management of scarce resources. He followed me and sister Vivian through Garland HS and worked at the Garland Lime querry where he worked with John O. Jones and rented his farm near Seward where Don's lived. He worked for the USDA Soil Conservation Service as a seasonal worker and built gradiant terraces utill transferring to Papillion, NE and eventually to Syracuse, NE. He also got involved in real estate, insurance and going to Auctioneer School. In 2004 he was honored as the Nebraska Auctioneer of Year.  He married a local girl and have 4 daughters. (A still born daughter was born). They all have families of their own with a family in the upper 30's. Not only was Don and I close throughout his life but also were our families. We didn't get to the cemetery this year with our quarantine but it seemed an appropriate time for me to express my feeling of loss with his passing. There hasn't been a day go by since his passing that I havn't missed him.

Owens visit on Patio

John, Julie, Sadie and Jack came down to visit us on our Patio this afternoon. The kids brought along their scooter and little wagon on which to play. This was the first time they had all been here since March 28, 2020. Needless to say we were all happy to see each other. Julie was feeling pretty good after her sinus operation this past week. We thought it was going to rain soon after they went home but it still hasn't.  We have a rain gauge stuck in a flower pot on the Patio that has been there for most of this past week. It shows right at 5 inches with more expected tonight. Up until a week ago we were short our annual rainfall for the year, but we are doing a good job of catching up. There has been some flooding announced for the SE counties down on the Kansas state line.

Seward Memorabie Library

Of all my years in Public Service, my involvement with the Seward, NE Memorial Library has to be most satisfying. I served on the Library board during the turn of the century while also on the City

 Council. The outstanding leadership of Head Librariam Becky Baker, Board Members and staff all played a part. We were involved in Site Selection, Financing, Naming, Design, Construction and Landscaping. After nearly 20 years in the new facility it appears we made good decisions. Even with the "shutdown" because  of the coravirus, and our quarantine here at Brookdale, we are pleased to have books  delivered to us here.

USDA Secretary Bob Bergland

Bob Bergland, USDA Secretary of Agriculture is shown here presenting the Department's Superior Service Award to Verlon K. (Tony) Vrana on May 26, 1977 in Washington, D.C. I pulled a narrow binder off the closet shelf this afternoon and found the picture. I also found several letters written to me at that time which were even more interesting. Among them was one from my Folks written by Mother thet was just perfect.

FDR April 12, 1945

This is a continuation of yesterdays blog page which I closed  out with some question. I discovered that Lucy Mercer with whom FDR had an affair prior to his Polio in 1918 while serving as Assistant Secretary of the Navy, is the same person as Lucy Rutherfurd who was among those with him at the Little White House in Warm Springs, GA when FDR died on April 12,1945. Anna, the Presidents oldest daughter and his peraonl Secretary was criticized  by Eleanor and others for her role in keeping her visits to Warm Springs secret information. She justified her actions on the basis that Lucy was able to brighten his final days. After "the dust settled a bit" Lucy wrote to Anna and concluding with: "'My love to your husband--and to you--Anna Darling, because you are his child & because you are yourself. I am very devoted and with heartbroken sympathy. Lucy Rutherfurd".

I pulled out my 1st (of 7,  5-year diaries) before switching to annual Journal Diaries, and found my entry of 4/12/1945 in which I noted "Roosevelt Died".  I had been disking at a rental farm and while pulling in the yard that evening, Vivian hollered to me that FDR had died. ( I would love to see the final chapter of the Kens Burns, "The Rosevelts" to see how it was shown.)

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Doris Kearns Goodwin FDR 1940-'45

Carolyn got this book on Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt for me from the Seward Memorial Library Today. It is the story of them during the 1940-1945 period and written by Doris Kearns Goodwin. It includes over 636 pages of rather small print so I don't know if I will make it through or not. My current interest in "The Roosevelts" was stimulated by the recent PBS showing of the Ken Burns film on the subject. I have only read 25 pages so far but have already gained insight on his relationship with Miss Lucy Mercer when she was Eleanor's Social Secutary and Franklin was a young Assistant Secretary of the Navy. The affair became public when Eleanor discovered a packet of letters that Lucy had written to Franklin. (This was prior to his being stricken with Polio). So I have already learned that Franklin and Lucy had a publicly acknowledged affair. At the time of FDR's death at Warm Springs, Georgia, it is my memory that Lucy was with him and that upset Eleanor. I have visited the little White House in Warm Springs as well as the Roosevelt Mansion at Hyde Park when comments were made by tour directors concerning FDR's relationships. I don't know if I will learn "the truth" or not, but I hope so. I'll bet Ken Burns knows the answer.

Jon and Mary's Wedding

I came across this picture today in an Album in the closet. It was taken down at Blacksburg at the time of son Jon and Mary's wedding on June 11, 1977. They had each  received degrees the previous weekend from Virginia Tech. This just shows our immediate family (at that time) but the formal wedding included many more. Elaine and My Dad's were both involved which was the only time either of them was dressed formally. It was actually pretty new to several of us. Jon was already an SCS employee and they had a house rented near where he was headquartered. They were off to a good start.

This is the way the men and boys looked that were all dressed formally. I got to wondering how many places Jon and Mary have lived during their 43 years of wedded life. They moved to their current location in 1996 which is probably the longest they ever lived in one place. I don't know of their planning to move after Mary retires. I have suggested they may want to follow our foot-steps and come back to Nebraska but that has never met with very much enthusiasm.

Julie in 1982 & '83

I dug into the closet this afternoon and pulled out an album that featured Julie in 1982 & '83. I've gone through every page and enjoyed it thoroughly. I think it has been years since anyone has looked at it. We bought the Motorhome in '83 and went to the Black Hills and Yellowstone Park. The pictures are not as good as what we are used to with the cell phone. I wondered if Julie would be interested in seeing the pictures. I can send them with Carolyn when she stops by if there is any interest in looking at them at this time. It is a heavy album. I'm sure Sadie would enjoy seeing them.

Just 5 years ago

While this was shown a couple weeks ago,it was never completed in my record of Blog pages published.  Please bear with me if you are being subjected to this for the second time. "This was taken 5 years ago when Tim, Tony and I flew down to Miami to see the Marlins beat the Nationals 3-2. I have long had an objective of seeing Major League games in all 30 of the stadiums. While I have achieved my objective a couple times during the years, the fact that they continue to build new stadiums makes it a continuing goal. When the new stadium in Miami was the only one keeping me from making the "boast", Tim and I began serious discussion. His legal schedule was the determining factor in choosing the April 23-25, 2015 series between the Marlins and Nationals. Tim flew out to Nebraska for a short visit and to be with me on the trip. Tony flew on down by himself. Tim had made all reservations. Ben picked Tim and I up early on the morning of the 23rd and watched an early sunrise as we took off from Lincoln for Atlanta. We changed planes in Atlanta to fly to Miami. It was there that I had my big shock as we went to change planes and Tim pointed to the Wheel Chair on the ramp and said, "This is for you Dad." Once I realized the distance we had to travel, I was very appreciative of the "wheels". We continue to use them on the way home. Achieving the goal was short lived when the Atlanta Braves built a new stadium for their team to be used this year.

Scandinavia Tour in 2000

The Little Mermaid was made one of the Worlds noted statue with the publishing of Hans Christian Anderson's fairy tale in 1837. The sculpture was created by Edward Eriksen, given to the City of Copenhagen in 1913 and is located close to the shore at Langelinie facing the harbor entrance from the sound. Elaine and I were fortunate to take  Mooatash Joe, Scandinavia tour of Denmark, Norway and Scotland in September of 2000. The tour took us on various forms of transportation from Cruise Ship, Railroad and bus. You have to look closely to see the chain that attaches the neck brace to the pole. No, I didn't do anything wrong but was relieved as the neck strap was removed.

Scheffeleria

This was the day that it got up into the 70's and we moved the scheffeleria out of the Living room and onto the Patio. We were even able to set out in the sunshine and enjoy it all for a while this after noon. Things are in more agreement here than back in DC where the President and Dr. Fauci seem to be in greater disagreement on opening back up limitations that have been put in place to limit the spread of the coronavirus-19. There is no question but what the President is looking at it from the standpoint of his re-election in November. The Doctors are concerned with the long rage spread of the disease and the number of lives lost.  Trump is overly optimistic in my opinion on what testing can do and when vaccine is available.

Deep Cleaning

We had entertainment right outside our Patio doors much of the day today. Despite the drizzle, clouds and temperature, this was the day that Brookfield set to give the kitchen "deep cleaning" which meant taking all of the shelving, bins, etc. out where they were all power washed.  This went on for a good portion of the day. I was impressed by the diligence by which this was all done. We were served chipped beef over toast with orange slices and an oatmeal scotchie cookie for our supper. We also had a "fruit cup" left over in the fridge which I ate to try to keep my weight up. I weighed 174.9 today without shoes.

President Kennedy's Funeral

A lot happened during our first couple years back in Washington D.C. This was the scene of President John F. Kennedy's funeral at Memorial Bridge. It was just a few miles up Army-Navy drive from where we lived in Fairlington Apartments.  This 2nd picture shows the Military Cortage with Kennedy's casket coming off Memorial Bridge on it's way to Arlington Cemetery. We had watched the entire funeral but jumped into the Station wagon and caught these scenes, we were back home to see the burial on TV.  Jon grew-up realizing that he needed to wear a tie for all important occasion.

Our kids were all good students and each of them had A's on their report card, Carolyn was a bit shocked when I used a magic marker to draw the toes and red toenails on her new white tennis shoes. Looking back on it, I can hardly believe how well we were able to cope with all the changes. It wasn't only my job that kept me busy but was already enrolled in George Washington University and taking night classes. Elaine was working at the Pentagon in the Civil Defense Area. The boys were active in Boy Scouts and all of us were deeply involved with the Fairlington Presbyterian Church.

Men's Coffee

I took this picture of our Men'a Coffee group as we got together at 10:30 this morning. From l-r we are: John, Marv, Carl, Bill, Alan, Larry; and I was at this end of the table. We had a carry-over topic from last week which was hearing from Bill and me on our college education. When we got finished with that, we went around the table talking about how we met our wives. Four of us out of the 7 still have those wives which made for some interesting stories. We may try to do our "Life's Work" at some later date  but believe it should require a short summary to hand out.

Little Harrods

By January 1992 I was fully retired from the Soil and Water Conservation Society in Ankney, IA, The Nebraska Natural Resources Commission and SCS for whom I had worked for some 33 years. Pictured is one of the long standing coffee groups in Seward during this era. Jack Graff owned and operated a quality Men's Clothing Store here on the Square and traveled with his wife to London to buy merchandise occasionally. He was responsible for the setting being called Little Harrods. Actually it was the coal room in the basement of the Kolterman's variety store. Patrons included: John Cattle, (right side looking this way), Jack Graff, Bill Heidbreder, Don Kolterman, Norman Schultz, Me, Clark Kolterman and Grandson. I'm sure Don Miller who had a Cleaning Plant, would have been there and taken the picture. The group met on Saturdays here at Kolterman's and during the week at Miller's Dry Cleaning Plant. I was invited to join the group soon after returning to Nebraska in 1980 while still working which I enjoyed frequently. John Cattle invited me to be a member of the Cattle Bank Board of Directors after one of the meetings. I served on the Board for 25 years. Several of the senior members of this group have moved on but, it certainly filled a nitch during its day.

Deck Building

We built the deck at our 1st. street house in 1983. We had bought the full dimension lumber at an Auction and stored it in the barn at the farm. The construction was a family affair for the most part. The old lumber was treated with a preservative before putting it in place. Strips of tar paper were laid between boards. Creosoted rail road ties were used as foundation.

The floorboards of the deck were treated with preservative at the time of construction and Verlon treated it every couple years along the way. The cost-benefit ratio of the deck was among the highest of anything we did to that house. We spent many hours relaxing with a drink out on the deck as well as many picnic dinners. We "entertained" many "dignitaries" from SCS who would be out to Lincoln on business and come out to visit with us. Julie had an interesting childhood with much of it spent in that house, she made retirement 

the joy that I always expected it to be.

Nebraska Life

We have been subscribers to the NebrIaska Life magazine since it's publication began some years ago right here in Nebraska. This May-June 2020 issue is Volume 24, Number 3. This is the first one that is stapled from the back to the middle of this 98 page issue. It was one of our favorite magazines and we kept copies for a number of years. Once we moved up here to Brookdale nearly 3 years ago, we have always put the old one out for others to read as a new one came. I'm not sure but believe it may have been Alan Bartels who stopped in at the Cattle Bank to drink coffee with us one morning when the magazine was in it's early days. In fact he took a picture of us that appeared in a following issue. One of my Kiwanis friends tells me that he has talked to Mr. Bartels about doing a story on our Kiwanis Flag Display as you come into Seward from the east. He tells me that Mr. Bartels is familiar with the Flag Display and has even walked through it. We are proud of it here in Seward.

Adjustment to Virginia

Here is a happy picture of our being in the Fairlington Apartments following our move into the Washington DC area in 1962. Ellen was a little neighbor girl that Carolyn baby sat and became a "buddy" for all the kids. We had some continuing realtionship with she and her family after moving to our house on Arlington Ridge Road. Our kids all took the move from Lincoln, NE to the Washington DC very much in stride. They all went on to Graduate from HS while we lived on Ridge Road. It was a great location for Elaine and I going down the work in the Federal Building and for me to continue mu education at George Washington University in the District. I finished my Bachelors degree in 1967 and my MBA in 1970. The kids were well along with their college education by the time I finished. Verlon at VCU in Richmond, Va; Tim at Duke University in Durham, NC, ; Carolyn at Appalachian State at Boone, NC; and Jon at Virginia Tech at Blacksburg, VA

Mother's Day Flowers

      We were pleased to have a staff member bring in a package of flowers from Jon, Mary, Heather and Anna. The package contained 24 Red Roses and a little box of chocolates. It took us a while to get them all unwrapped and in a Vase that came with them. We called Jon earlier to thank them and later sent them a copy of this picture. The Flowers were the big event of the Day here. Not much going on. The Beauty Shop opened today but Elaine is not able to get in till a week from today. That means that she has one more time of washing her hair and putting it up on curlers. Some of the businesses are opening up for the weekend with certain regulations. The Packing and Rendering Plants are probably the most critical to assure a food supply. But we feel that continuing limitations are important in keeping the number of virus cases as low as possible. We were pleased that President Trump is retaining Dr. Anthony Fauchi and Dr. Bixi as advisors. We got notice that our Garland High School Alumni Reunion scheduled for June 20, 2020 has been called off and plans are made to hold it in June of 2021 with the existing committee members.

Visit with Dr. Henslee

I had taken a picture of Trees and the Clouds this morning as I waited for my Brookdale ride from the Hospital back to our Unit but am not able to send it to my computer so am just going with this.  What I have written is just copied from part of what I have written to Pat for our Vrana Newsletter.

We have been quarantined here in our apartment at Brookdale for the past several weeks. I did get out to the Seward specialty clinic today to see Dr Henslee. It was my PSA blood reading and stems from my Prostate Surgery of 20 years ago. A few years ago the PSA reading had gone up significantly which indicated there were still some active cancer cells. At that time I took hormones for several weeks which reduced it to nearly zero. It has gone up slightly again but not enough for him to recommend going back on the hormones. We will check it again in 3 months. If it appears that I'm taking an easy way out. I don't know if the problem is in my phone or the computer. I hope to be able to talk to Carolyn about it and see if we can get it back to work.

5 Short Years

Elaine pulled out some picture albums this afternoon that included this one of our family celebrating my 90th Birthday. It was taken out at the Hughes Cabin and the celebration included a great group of family and friends. It's difficult to realize that this event was 5 years ago. Prior to the Virus Pandemic we had some thoughts of getting together again this summer but all plans have gone by the way-side. I did get out of our Brookdale Quantine this afternoon to have blood drawn for a PSA test prior to seeing Dr Henslee tomorrow morning. I have plans for Brookdale to take me to the Specialty Clinic for a 10:00 am app't tomorrow morning. I was welcomed in the vestibule of the hospital this afternoon by a Staff member who took my temperature and put a "Hospital Mask" on me over the one I already had on. The PSA reading will probably indicate the need to go back on hormones to put the active cancer cells to rest or just hold off for another 6 months to check the readings progress. Back on 11/6/19, the reading had risen to 4.58 from 1.96 during the previous 6 months. I'm not anxious to go back on hormones unless necessary.

"How Great Thou Art"

Mother had taken a strip of drafting tape, put it at the top of this record cover and written on it " To Pop for Christmas from Bud 1977". I came across it a few days ago when taking all the records out of the storage shelf of our record player. I played both sides of it this morning. In fact, I played "How Great Thou Art" twice as George Beverly Shea sang from his collection of RCA Victor records. I must confess to not having any memory of giving this to Dad back in 1977. We would have still been back in Virginia but I checked my 1977 Diary and found that I had gone out to Lincoln for a training session and had taken along gifts for the folks at that time. They went out to California to have Christmas with the Sorge's. My guess is that we bought the record at the GEM store in the DC area. After 43 years, I still enjoyed it.

Beautiful Day

It was a beautiful afternoon to set on the Patio and visit with Carolyn as she came down with some supplies. Elaine and I had been out to  the garage with some things and had both laid down for a little nap. Our phone rang which Elaine could answer easily and it was Carolyn who was out on our Patio. Needless to say, we both got up right away and joined her outside. She and Ben are continuing their landscaping project which we can hardly wait to get up to see.  Her latest find was a variety of Aspen of which I was not familiar. I do remember of seeing Mountain sides in Colorado covered in the fall with beautifully colored Aspen leaves. I'm sure she and Ben will make it into a show place of the neighborhood. They are so looking forward to the days when Sadie and Jack can be back up to help them with the garden. I've just heard the weather forecast for tomorrow which sounds like rain. It is already out in the western part of the state and coming this way. We are below normal with the amount of moisture received in the State through April.

President Franklin D. Roosevelt

We stumbled into a Ken Bruns segment on the Presidency of Franklin Delano Roosevelt on cspan this afternoon. We watched for nearly an hour that covered WWII from the Allied invasion of Italy until late 1944. My folks were strong supporters of FDR and of his "New Deal" which included the establishment of the Soil Conservation Service in the USDA. An earlier version of the Soil Erosion Service in the Department of Interior proceeded it.  I wonder how FDR will stack up over time in the ranking of Presidents of this United States. He already "stands out" as the only President to have been elected to 4 consecutive terms. He died after a year or so of his fourth term in 1945 when Vice President Harry S. Truman took over. I will let Historians determine his ranking among all our Presidents but believe he will end up near the top of the list. His leadership is what helped make the drought and depression days of the 30's tolerable and the defeat of the Natzi's possible. I say that because of appreciating the surplus commodities that we received but also because of my career with the SCS and also the career of our son Jon with SCS and NRCS. I would love to see the entire version of the Ken Burns film.

May Day

(I didn't get this published last night, will try this morning.) We found two of these little "May baskets" at our entry way this morning. A nice way to welcome in the new Month of May. It even contains some chocolates as well as a little "sucker". Withe the world in it's Pandemic state we can use any and all of the cheerfulness that comes our way. I was introduced to May Baskets along with sister Vivian when we lived here in Seward before moving out to the farm in 1932. I clearly remember working with Mother and Vivian in making little square boxes about 3 inches on 1 side, adding some flowers and a few Jelly Beans and taking them to the neighbor houses doorstep. That was just another of the many things that changed as we moved out to the Vrana farm. I don't know if any of the 30+ kids there ever made a May Basket but it was one more thing that made me a "town kid" and not one of them. It wasn't until I got started playing softball with Art Schaefer that I began to be accepted for who I was.